Mark ‘Willy’ Wilson is Mr Non League. To some people he is the Clown Prince of Non League Football, but you will not find many players as enthusiastic and committed to the semi-professional game and he is loved by all.
He absolutely loves it, not just from a playing point of view, but from the social side too.
‘Willy has done a ‘My Greatest Game’ interview which will be published in the coming days, but because we want to give people a lift, we persuaded him to tell a few of some of his funnier stories from his career – one that has spanned over 1000 games and took in spells with Emley, Bradford (Park Avenue), Harrogate Town, Shepshed Dynamo, Worksop Town and many other clubs.
Some of these anecdotes you may have heard before, but there are some you may have not.
Flying back with “stilettos, bras and thongs” to the UK from Spain for Worksop Town’s important FA Trophy replay against Conference leaders Accrington Stanley in 2006
“Accrington were flying high at the time and we drew them in the FA Trophy at home and I was suspended. Our lasses’ mum and dad were already in Salou so I decided that we would go and stop in their apartment with them, thinking there would be no replay and I wouldn’t miss a match. Lo and behold we drew 1-1.
“I had to fly back on the Tuesday morning to play in the replay. Now the funny scenario is that I left my family there and whenever I go on holiday I have nothing to do with any of the paperwork, the boarding passes, etc. I had never been in an airport on my own. Our lass gave me a load of stuff to bring back, things she had already used or things she didn’t want. This was things like stilettos, bras, thongs, bikinis.
“I got in a taxi with a young lad who was going to the airport and I told him I wasn’t sure of the procedure so he kinda of helped me through it all. I got my boarding pass and went and sat down. But silly me, I put my boarding pass on the table and then put my hand luggage on top of it. So I ended up leaving my boarding pass so I later had to run back for it. Before that when I took my bag through security they asked me if I had packed it myself. So I was like ‘no, my lass has packed it’. I got took into a room and they opened the bag up to reveal the stilettos, thongs, bikinis and all these women’s items. I started laughing and said ‘its not what you think it is’. Anyway there was nothing untoward and my bag went through.
“I got home and we played that replay and it went to penalties. I scored and the emotion of scoring was a strange feeling because of what I had gone through to get to the game and leaving the family back in Salou.
“In the next round which was the quarter-finals we played Boreham Wood at home and there were riots everywhere in the town. The game had dog-handlers all the way round the pitch. When you were taking a throw-in dogs were near enough nibbling at your legs.”
Drinking in a pub in Tintwistle hours before a game for Emley at Hyde
“I remember this one really well. I think it was me, Rob Tonks and Ian Banks in the car and we were through Tintwistle and there was a pub and there was another one on the corner called the Gun Inn or the Fox and Hounds. We were early and I said to ‘Bana’ ‘let’s have a drink’. Tonksy and Bana didn’t drink, but because we were early we went in. I had one drink and then carried on drinking. We played at Hyde and I was disliked at Hyde and I happened to get sent off. As I went down the tunnel, the tea-lady went in the changing room with the tea and some pork pies. I shoved my finger in the middle of all the pies to make a hole and then poured tea into them. Lo and behold Simon Jones got sent off as well. The game finished and everyone came in and started investigating what had happened to the pies and they saw me giggling in the corner. They knew it was going to me, didn’t they.”
Getting sacked from Harrogate Town for setting himself on fire in 1999
“Dave Fell, who was the Sunday League manager for Stanley Road, had taken over Harrogate Town. He got all the lads from the Sunday side to sign for them and I got a signing on fee. With that signing on fee I went to Cancun on holiday in the first couple of weeks to the season. I told them I was going because I was best man for someone at a wedding. That’s wasn’t true. I was going because I was on contract and would still get paid. I came back all bronze and I was banging goals in. We had a dip in form and we slid down the league and they were trying to offload players. If they had come to me and said ‘you’re getting so much money, will you take a cut’? I’d taken it because I wasn’t money-oriented. I never asked for any money, but if someone is going to offer you money that’s a different scenario.
“We played Belper away and they had a new clubhouse. Because I lived in Barnsley I got picked up on the way there. I never put my bag un-neath because it was full of cans for the way back for the enjoyment factor. We played and I got sent off. I went in the bar early and they had Scrumpy Jack on draught. I’m downing these Scrumpy Jack’s like no tomorrow and like it was normal cider and as soon as I went outside it just hit me. I had this massive giddy head-rush on. We got on the bus and everybody was drinking. You could also smoke in those days. I wasn’t smoking, but I was acting about. I got someone’s cigarette lighter and an aerosol can and started using the aerosol so it was like a flame-thrower going down the bus. Everybody was laughing so I then said I’m going to be the ‘human fire-ball’. Basically I set my bodily hair parts on fire’. Everybody was laughing, the committee were even laughing. But two days later I got a phone call from the manager saying I was suspended for two weeks because of an inquiry and was later let go for gross misconduct.
“I went to the FA and stated my case as to why it was an unfair dismissal. They laughed it out saying I had endangered everyone. At the time the Non League reporter for the Yorkshire Sport was Wendy Dube (later Walker) and I’ll always remember it because when she rang I kept saying ‘no comment, no comment, no comment’. She got it out of me by jokingly saying ‘oh what you are doing, setting your bodily hair parts on fire’. I slipped up because I said it was nothing to do with my antics because I did them all the time and it was down to money. In the middle of the Yorkshire Sport the following Sunday, the words were ‘if you play with fire, you get burnt’. That was the headline.”
Drinking with his old Frickley Athletic, Emley and Worksop manager Ronnie Glavin’s “spies” on a Friday night
“I was playing local football when I first signed for Ronnie at Frickley after getting released from Huddersfield Town. Because of my fitness and my ability in the league I was playing in I was streets above everybody and he came to watch. He wanted to sign me, but it was on a Friday night. Basically on a Friday night after I finished work I basically went into the Sun Inn (in Monk Bretton in Barnsley) at 6pm and eventually move onto a nightclub. So on the Friday he signed me, he went ‘where’s you going’? I told him the pictures. I obviously wasn’t, but he got wind that I was always out on a Friday night and he used to have his spies who used to come out and see me. The spies were Peter Price and John Peachy and I used to drink with them. I had my run-ins with him, but I have tons of respect for the man. His wife always says that we have a chalk and cheese relationship.
“When I was with Emley, I always went out into town on a Friday night which Ronnie obviously knew. At first it was a coincidence when I always saw his assistant manager and coach in various pubs and at first I tried to avoid them but as they became a frequent sight on a a Friday night, I used to go over and have a drink with them, knowing full well it would get back to Ronnie. With knowing this I had to perform on the pitch which more than nine times out of ten I did, but on the times we lost or I was poor I knew I was in for a right telling off. He kept a lot in when results went our way but when not I was in for it. On the way to away games on the coach he’d joke in front of lads by saying ‘what time you get in last night’, it was his favourite saying. I’d reply with a grin. Then on the trip back if we had won we would be all be well-oiled and I’d shout down the bus to Ronnie that I didn’t get in while three. All the lads would be cheering and laughing and Ronnie would turn around with a false smile as underneath he was thinking ‘you little beep’, but he let a lot ride with me and he was a great man manager.”
Travelling with champions Bradford (Park Avenue) on the joint team and supporters bus for their final game of the season at Trafford in 1995 despite being let go five months earlier
“I met all the fans and I really enjoyed with my time with Bradford (Park Avenue). I could get away with a lot more on the social side than I got up to than I did at Frickley. I was a young lad who thought he knew everything. I was kind of very wild. Me and (Avenue manager) Gordon (Rayner) didn’t see eye to eye on the footballing side. It came to a head one game and I said ‘I’m done’. They won promotion a few months later and I decided to go to the last game which was at Trafford and I got two buses, one to Barnsley and then one to Bradford to get to the Jacob’s Well pub where the coach was picking up from. It was a memorable day and I got back to Barnsley extremely late and a few of the Avenue fans chipped in for me to get home.”
Stood stark naked during a confrontation with Ronnie Glavin after a red card during the 1998 FA Cup second round tie with Rotherham United at Millmoor
“The season after we played West Ham, we played Rotherham in the First Round. Rotherham of course were one of my former clubs. I had been the captain of the immediate’s there and I was the only Rotherham captain to lift the Immediate League Cup – after beating Newcastle who had Lee Clark playing for them over the two legs. We drew with Rotherham at Oakwell so it went to a replay at Millmoor. It was a big occasion for myself because we were going back to where it all started. Rotherham had a striker called Lee Glover who was at Forest with me. Simeon (Bambrook) scored first and then I got booked and later sent off for elbowing Lee Glover. I got my marching orders and at Millmoor it was a communal bath so when the final whistle went I was stark naked in it. Ronnie Glavin came storming in, eyes like thunder and started screaming saying ‘you little ****, you’ve let me down’. So I thought I’m not standing for this so I stood up with nothing on and with a bar of soap in my hand I had a go back at Ronnie saying I didn’t want to play for him again. By the time I had finished, his eyes were popping out his head and the bar of soap was squashed and coming out of all my fingers because I had squeezed it so hard.”
Getting substituted ten minutes into an Emley home game against Colwyn Bay
“I had been out and I had got in about 4am. I didn’t on this occasion, but I used to stop at a couple’s house sometimes. He was a bank manager and his wife was a Emley fan – Vicky Jackson. I knew them well and she used to shout ‘come on Emley’. Her voice was distinctive. We kicked off and in the first ten minutes, I was on the ball and performing and sweat was dripping off me. But someone must have told Vicky that I didn’t get in while 4am. She’s shouted it out and Ronnie Glavin has obviously heard it because my number came straight up on the (subs) board. I pleaded with Ronnie and said I was alright. But he was like ‘no, come off’. He took me off and I got a standing ovation by all the fans. I walked down past the fans down the tunnel, but then came back out of the tunnel and clapped them in return. It was very unprofessional from me, but a funny story at the time.”
Attracting Brian Clough’s attention
“It is not really much of a story, but when I started off with Nottingham Forest in the youth set-up I had right long hair and my first interaction with Brian Clough was over it. He shouted down from the terraces ‘you girl, you girl with the stilettos on’. He then went on ‘you must wear stilettos with a haircut like that’.”
Wiping Vince Hilaire out after just 20 seconds into a game
“I not sure which team Emley were playing that day. But in Non League Football I was probably the most hated person on the pitch because I was very physical and very long. I just used to channel all hate and aggression into football and wanting to win. There are a lot of players I used to play against that I had history with and Vince Hilaire was one. He had left one on me in a previous game. At the time Miles Thorpe was going to get a tattoo with every dog has its day and I remember thinking ‘every dog has its day, every player has its day’. So the ball was passed from the centre-circle and back to the midfield and they tried dribbing through until I got there and went in on Vince. Everybody then started piling in. In the olden days you could away with a lot. I got a yellow card. It would be a red now. Vince started rolling about and squealing so I went to pick him up and as I was I started nipping him. I used to get goaded, lumps kicked out me, but I never retaliated. When Emley played Worksop I always got sent off. They hated me at Worksop and goaded. When I signed for Worksop they absolutely adored me because I was what their team was missing.”
Trevor Storton not seeing the funny side to his comedic antics
“After leaving Harrogate Town, I went back to Bradford (Park Avenue) and I didn’t set off on good terms with Trevor. Trevor knew me and and knew people like Clive Freeman and they got me down. On the first coach trip, I had a bag full of wigs, masks, inflatable hammers, etc. Before the game I got them all out and started to act daft so Trevor looked from the front to the back to say ‘what have we got here’? I think that played heavily on me not playing much. I once did an impression of him too and he near enough walled me up for it. He was one of the few managers who didn’t like my humour.”
A video-star with Huddersfield
“When I was captain of Rotherham’s immediate’s, Steve Nicholson was captan of the Leeds immediate’s. They used to play on the training pitch which was at the back of Elland Road (back of the West Stand, now the Fullerton Park Car Park) and they used to video all the games. Mick Hennigan was the manager and if you know him he was a really loud, say it how it is robust manager. There was a drop-ball and everybody went with their feet. I went with my head. I was brought with the commitment side and they made the video to say ‘look at that commitment, he went in with his head’. They used to play the tape to the youth team players and say ‘that’s commitment’.”
Mark Wilson was interviewed by James Grayson
Always great fun watching Mark Wilson play